Discombobulating and enigmatic....An Idle mind but not devil's workshop

Okay! you will find such confusing words in my blog here on. May be you can call it GRE effect, or rather abased and abashed......all that....

There was a lot of difference since the last post. Okay why should some one be interested of a change in my 
life? Well after all its my blog and I have all the freedom. Sounding sarcastic? I know... I don't care... 

Job was hard, of course I dint like it. There was no life or rather it was just work and work and not the right work, at least for me. Heat battered me, smell of grease was harsh for the first time. Of all, thoughts they were hindered. Yes I understood that's not my piece of cake. And I left it challenging my future and also frightening all the people around. 

Back at home sitting on my little desk where most of my life was spent studying and playing games, took a pen and started scribbling all my haziest thoughts. When I scribble its always the letter 'S' or my signature which shapes out. I left a job of which many would have dreamt of. And a company esteemed for a secured future. The name of which brings a great deal of respect from people around and lauding for working in it. It all dint make much of a difference to me.

To be frank I never wished to settle very soon with a constant 5 digit or a 4 digit salary which merely makes a difference or rather forces me to live an artificial life teaching stupid etiquettes of wrong doing. Or machinating plans in the want of power. Rather I wanted to be free. Eat when I want, play when I want, sleep when I want and  of all be the best when I do what I want. Truly Utopian. 

Now sitting at home... what am I doing? Reading petty unnatural words, badgering people online, dreaming of chimerical possibilities, reading random topics or sometimes brushing head into politics with unyielding debates with people around and of course heavy slumber. That's what mom and dad find me doing most of the time. Ya truly I was. May be this blog is also out of that disposition. 
It was non productive, the papers for publication are still a pending and the scores for admissions are not so great. Okay if my profile fetches me a deal.. what are the odds? Mom said "Its prestigious son, and its a challenge, you should prove people." Sorry! Mom, I don't care about what others think. After all its my life and I was breathing for 30 million times to make my heart beat for 800 million times for 24 years. I remember no body helping me in this. If the way I am living is of a concern to someone I don't care. Harsh I might sound but pragmatic. I am not saddened for being under par in intelligence compared to many, instead I feel happy for being successful with little ingenuous intelligence I have. Estimating and overthrowing myself on the challenges was of a real worth. If someone finds it whimsical or boastful, may be their perception is at fault.

If someone complains I am not social and I don't know how to talk to people. I am sorry I don't know how to talk shit or dance the way you do. And I dont really feel that what you talk makes sense in doing something great for humanity neither do I. After all someone who has suffered from a little emperor syndrome might not truly bother about you.

I don't know what my future is. Its discombobulating and enigmatic. But, true I might be a scientist or a musician (unfortunately many of my pals even don't know that I play music and sing) or both. But never driven by someones thoughts. If influenced at least not from now on. Because I take the stake of my own life and if I am answerable to someone its me myself. 

I believe in existence than survival, in seclusion with respectful relationships, in people who respect me as myself. And in respecting people for what they are.

If you have read all this through, I am sure you did it because you were truly interested to know what I am doing rather than what I think. If not you must be someone real close to me.


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